


You're. Not. Masculine. (EW Chatfic)

by Underwater_IcedTea



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Daily dose of memes, Eduardo appears for like 5 seconds, Its as chaotic as a public discord server, M/M, Textfic, Texting, They spew memes and shitposts at each other, Tom and Tord hate each other at first but then it turns from haters to "friends" to lovers, Voltron Spoilers, chatfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2018-12-13 08:56:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11756379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underwater_IcedTea/pseuds/Underwater_IcedTea
Summary: The boys send each other shitposts :^)ColaLover = EddSmirnoffFukc = TomManInTheMirror = MattGiantHentaiRobot = TordGiantHentaiRoBot: the fuck is thisColaLover: nO SWEARINGSminoffFukc: wth is thisManInTheMirror: OWO WAZ DIS?ColaLover: Oh, it's just a group chat for us to chat in.SmirnoffFukc: but didnt we already have oneColaLover: Yeah, but you guys kept shitposting in that one.





	1. wHERE'S SPACE DADDY

**Author's Note:**

> There's a lot of Voltron b/c im too invesyed in it rn
> 
> If you haven't watched VLD season 3 and you don't want spoilers don't read this chapter or the next.

[ColaLover added SmirnoffFukc, ManInTheMirror, and GiantHentaiRoBot to group]

__________8/5 13:34__________

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: the fuck is this

 

ColaLover: **_nO SWEARING_ **

 

SminoffFukc: wth is this

 

ManInTheMirror: OWO WAZ DIS?

 

ColaLover: Oh, it's just a group chat for us to chat in.

 

SmirnoffFukc: but didnt we already have one

 

ColaLover: Yeah, but you guys kept shitposting in that one.

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: yOU JUST SAID NO SWEARING

 

SmirnoffFukc: BAHAHAHAHA

 

ManInTheMirror:

[do_it_for_him_lotor.jpg]

 

SminoffFukc: well he looks cute, better than tord, at least

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: A r e  y o u  g a y  f o r  h i m

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: R00D

 

ManInTheMirror: No.

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: T h e n  w h o  a r e  y o u  g a y  f o r

 

ColaLover: m e

 

ManInTheMirror: Me.

 

ColaLover: :’(

 

ManInTheMirror: jk ily

 

ColaLover: :)

 

SmirnoffFukc: you guys are gay af

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: yea

 

ColaLover: And you guys never realize you are

 

ManInTheMirror: EDD'S RIGHT

 

SmirnoffFukc: WE ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP **_WHATSOEVER_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: YEAH **_WE HATE EACH OTHER_ ** WHY DO U DO DIS

 

ColaLover: **_OTP_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: **_OTP_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_STAHP_ **

 

ColaLover: **_O T P  O T P  O T P_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: **_O T P  O T P  O T P_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_STAHP IT OR I WILL THROW ALL THE COLA AWAY AND SMASH ALL THE MIRRORS_ **

 

ColaLover: Aw…

 

ManInTheMirror: :(

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: Finally

 

ManInTheMirror: Ok gtg I gotta finish this

 

__________16:15__________

 

ManInTheMirror: aaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

 

ManInTheMirror: ಥ_ಥ

 

ColaLover: Woah man, are you okay?

 

SmirnoffFukc: dude r u ok

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: ???? DID SOMEBODY DIE

 

ManInTheMirror: **_WHO IS THIS MAN???_ **

[THIS_IS_NOT_MY_SPACE_DAD.jpg]

 

ManInTheMirror: HE LOOKS **_HIDEOUS_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: tHATS NOT MY SPACE **DADDY**

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_SHUT THE FUCK UP COMMIE_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: IM SO CONFUSED

 

ColaLover: YOU STILL NEED TO WATCH IT

 

ColaLover: WHY HAVEN'T YOU WATCHED IT YET, YOU NEED TO

 

ManInTheMirror: T H I S  I S  N O T  S H I R O  W H E R E  I S  H E

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: DO YOU KNOW THE BEST THING ABOUT THIS SEASON?

 

ManInTheMirror: WHAT?

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_THE KLANCE MOMENTS_ **

 

ColaLover: OH MY **GOOOOOD** **_Y E S_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_420BLAZIT MOTHERFUCKERS_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: OHO ITS 16:20

 

ColaLover: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A LIL’ SOMETHING ABOUT KLANCE?

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: Y E S

 

ManInTheMirror: ;^)

 

ColaLover: Lance is **blue,** and Keith is **red**.

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: Yeah, so?

 

ManInTheMirror: ;^))))))))))))))))))))

 

ColaLover: Tom is **blue** , and you are **red**.

And that means…

 

ManInTheMirror: **_YOUANDTOMAREDESTINEDTOBETOGETHERLIKELANCEANDKEITHAREPLUSYOUTWOAREBLUEANDBLUEANDREDANDBLERELATIONSHIPSARELIKE,DESTINED_ **

 

ColaLover: **_O T P_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: **_O T P_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: CAN YOU _PLEASE_ **_S H U T  I T_**

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: WHY DO YOU SHIP ME WITH THAT **_JEHOVAH DUMBASS_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: OH YOU WANNA GO, **_COMMIE FUCK?_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: TRY ME, BITCH

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_Y O U R E._ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_N O T._ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_M A S C U L I N E._ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_YOU OVERRATED LITTLE TWINK-_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_HEY I AM A TWUNK, ALRIGHT? THAT IS A COMBINATION OF “TWINK” AND “HUNK”, GET IT? HUNK._ **

 

ColaLover: ALRIGHT, WHY WON'T YOU TWO **_SHUT UP?_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: scary Edd is scary

 

ManInTheMirror: ＼(;´□｀)/

 

ColaLover: sry bby ily

 

ManInTheMirror: (^‿^✿)

 

__________8/6 03:24__________

️

SmirnoffFukc: TORD I CAN HERE YOU WATCHING HENTAI AND ITS DRIVING ME **CRAZY**

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SLEEP EARLIER

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: YOU WERE DRINKING AGAIN, WEREN'T YOU?

 

SmirnoffFukc: STFU COMMIE

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: WELL I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT SO HAHA

 

SmirnoffFukc: NO LEGAL LAW REQUIRED TO HAND THEIR ASSES TO SAY THAT

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: WELL I AM THE LAW

 

SmirnoffFukc: NO YOURE NOT, YOURE FUCKING HOT

 

ColaLover: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I CAUGHT THAT

 

SmirnoffFukc: ️ **_D E L E T I N G  T H A T._ **

 

[SmirnoffFukc deleted a message]

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: I'm gonna go to sleep and contemplate my entire existence.

 

ColaLover: Nighty night~

 

ColaLover: Also, TOM IT'S “HEAR”, NOT “HERE”, YOU DRUNK DUMBASS

 

ColaLover: gn

 

SmirnoffFukc: . . .

 

ManInTheMirror: OWO

 

SmirnoffFukc: WHY ARE _YOU_ AWAKE TOO???

 

ManInTheMirror: ;^)))))))))))))))))))

 

====================

__________08:30__________

 

[ColaLover directed a message to ManInTheMirror]

 

ColaLover: HOLY SHIT MATT LOOK WHAT I CAUGHT!

[Screenshot0806.jpg]

 

ManInTheMirror: BAHAHAHAHA

 

ManInTheMirror: **_IT’S CANON_ **

 

ColaLover: I SCREENSHOTTED IT RIGHT BEFORE TOM DELETED IT

 

ManInTheMirror: GOOD JOB BBY THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU

 

ColaLover: LOVE YOU TOO BABE

  
ColaLover: Let's wake the others.


	2. GASOLINA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SmirnoffFukc: I drink to forget but I always remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the nice feedback! I'll keep working on this. o(^▽^)o

__________16:46__________

 

SmirnoffFukc: rEGRET

 

SmirnoffFukc: I FUCKING HATE MYSELF

 

ColaLover: Well you're finally awake, how was that 12 hour nap?

 

ColaLover: The water and pills are on the kitchen table. Wait, how many bottles did you drink yesterday?

 

SmirnoffFukc: idk, 1 or 2?

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: You baka…

 

SmirnoffFukc: oh no not the weaboo shit

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: Did you really mean that? （///･_･///)

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: (´∀｀)♡

 

SmirnoffFukc: Uhhh….. Um.

 

ManInTheMirror: Oho

 

ColaLover: Ohohoho

 

ManInTheMirror: Ohohohohohoho

 

ColaLover: Ohohohohohohohohohohoh

 

ManInTheMirror: oHOHOHOHOH

 

ColaLover: O H O H O H O H O H O

 

ManInTheMirror: **_o H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O_ **

 

ColaLover: **_O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H O H OO_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: Ok, why don't you two **_STFU_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: ...Your response?

 

SmirnoffFukc: I... uhhhhh

 

GiantHentaiRobot: ehuehuehuehue

 

SmirnoffFukc: huh?????????? ??????

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_bITCH YOU THOUGHT_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_GAHAHAHAHAHAHA_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE I RECORDED THAF**

 

ColaLover: *that

 

SmirnoffFukc: **YOU** **_SICK FUCKO_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: Aw my ship sunk….

 

ColaLover: I guess it's one-sided then.

 

ManInTheMirror: （￣へ￣

 

SmirnoffFukc: AGGGGGH IM GONNA GO STAY IN MY ROOM FOR ANOTHER 12 HOURS

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: YOUR FACE WAS SO RED AND FLHSTERED AND I-

 

GiantHentaiRobot: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

ColaLover: *flustered

 

ColaLover: Tom, at least let me give you food before you lock yourself in your room again

 

SmirnoffFukc: ok.

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: yOURE EEACTION WAS PROCELESS I CANT-

 

ColaLover: *reaction *priceless

 

SmirnoffFukc: Thanks, Edd. Now time to smash my head into the wall and forget **_everything_ **.

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: OH GOD I DROPPED MY PHONE-

 

ManInTheMirror: Hey Edd, I found this cute little cafe 5 blocks away, can we go there?

 

ColaLover: Yeah, sure!

 

SmirnoffFukc: I drink to forget but I always remember.

 

__________8/7 02:47__________

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_WHO THE FUCK IS BLASTING GASOLINA AT 2:30 IN THE MORNING_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: WH

 

ColaLover: Tom, probably…

 

GiantHentaiRoBot:  @SmirnoffFukc  **_CAN YOU SHUT THE MUSIC OFF_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: wha

 

SmirnoffFukc: waiiii

 

SmirnoffFukc: iz cachy

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_SHUT IT, THOMAS._ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: wai u maf

 

SmirnoffFukc: ilyouuuuuuu

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: Wh

 

SmirnoffFukc: oohhhhhh i has ideea

 

[SmirnoffFukc changed their username to ILYtord]

 

ColaLover: PFFT-

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: WHAT THE FUCK

 

ILYtord: I LOOOOOOOVE YOOUUU TORD

 

ColaLover: OK, TOM CAN YOU _PLEASE_ TURN OFF THE MUSIC? MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!

 

ILYtord: nnNNNO

 

ILYtord: **_A ELLA LE GUSTA LA GASOLINA_ **

 

ILYtord: **_COMO LE ENCANTA LA GASOLINA_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: WAIT HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THE LYRICS OF TEAM VALOR’S ANTHEM WHILE YOURE RLY DRUNK

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: YOURE NOT EVEN IN TEAM VALOR

 

ILYtord: IS BECASE ILY TORDY

 

ColaLover: _HOW MANY BOTTLES DID YOU DRINK_

 

ILYtord: idk56

 

ColaLover: OMG FIVE OR SIX BOTTLES THATS GONNA BE ONE HELL OF A HANGOVER

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: TOM CAN YOU _PLEASE_ TURN OFF THE MUSIC

 

ILYtord: OK

 

ColaLover: Finally, night guys

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: Night Edd, I'm gonna go to sleep too. Tom, you sleep as well.

 

ILYtord: okee gnnnn

 

__________04:20__________

 

ManInTheMirror: OWO

 

ManInTheMirror: IS THAT THE SONG FROM DIRTY LAUNDRY I SEE?

  
ManInTheMirror: Oh yeah 420 blazit guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never read Dirty Laundry there before but I felt I had to put that there since 88% of the comments in the YT video came from the fanfic. 9% from Team Valor, 1% from memes and the other 1% from the people who just likes the song.


	3. wHERE'S MY BABY BOY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GiantHentaiRoBot: THE REAL DISAPPEARANCE OF RINGO-
> 
> \-----
> 
> ColaLover: TELL ME WHERE MY SON IS OR I WILL SUCK YOUR GODDAMN DICK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY IF THIS SUCKS I RUSHED AND TYPED THIS AT 1AM - 3AM AND IM TIRED AF
> 
> (btw its my birthday today ^^)

__________12:57__________

 

ILYtord: UGH MY HEAD HUURTS

 

ILYtord: So what stupid shit did I do yesterday-

 

[ILYtord changed their username to IWANNAKMS]

 

[IWANNAKMS deleted chat history]

 

IWANNAKMS: **_I HATE MYSELF_ **

 

IWANNAKMS: UGGGGGGGGGH

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: hhhhhh

 

IWANNAKMS: **_Fuck you._ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: WH-

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: I didn't do anything, you did all that while you were drunk

 

IWANNAKMS: Yes, and I wanna burn you with all the Christmas decorations from last year I still have to burn

 

IWANNAKMS: _I hope that you_ **_burn._ **

 

GiantHentaiRobot: ??? Why all the sudden h8, m8?

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: I thought you **_love_ ** me

 

IWANNAKMS: **_S H U T  U P , C O M M I E  F U C K_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: ;)

 

ColaLover: **_HOLY SHIT_ **

 

ColaLover: **_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH_ **

 

IWANNAKMS: ???

 

ColaLover: **_MY BBY_ **

 

ColaLover: **_HE’S GONE_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: Wh

 

ManInTheMirror: **_HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN RINGO?!?!?_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: GO CHECK YOUR ROOMS, HE MIGHT BE IN THERE. YOUR ROOMS WERE THE ONLY PLACE WE DIDN'T CHECK IN THIS HOUSE.

 

IWANNAKMS: OK THEN THAT WAS SUDDEN BRB

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: OKEY

 

ColaLover: **_SAVEMYBABYHEMIGHTBE ANYWHEREIDON'TWANTHIMTODIEWHATHAPPENEDIFHEWENTOUTSIDEHECOULDDIEOHMYGODHECOULDBEHITBYACARORSOMETHINGORHECOULDBEEATENBYANANIMAL_ **

 

ColaLover: **_WHERE'S MY BABY BOY. BABY._ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: THE REAL DISAPPEARANCE OF RINGO-

 

IWANNAKMS: TORD, NOW IS _NOT_ THE TIME TO BE MAKING WEEABOO JOKES

 

IWANNAKMS: HE'S NOT HERE

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: HE'S NOT HERE TOO

 

ColaLover: **_HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: OH NO ;;;

 

IWANNAKMS: ASK EDUARDO SINCE HE'S THE CLOSEST HOUSE HERE

 

ColaLover: GOOD IDEA

 

====================

 

__________13:34__________

 

[ColaLover directed a message to DietCokeLover]

 

ColaLover: **_TELL ME WHERE MY SON IS OR I WILL SUCK YOUR GODDAMN DICK_ **

 

DietCokeLover: WH

 

DietCokeLover: ???

 

DietCokeLover: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

 

ColaLover: **_ILOSTMYBABYBOYHESGONEANDIMSOWORRIEDISHEGONNADIEISHEGONNAGETEATENORISHEGOINGTOBEABUSEDIJUSTWANTHIMBACK  GIVE MY BABY BOY BACK_ **

 

DieCokeLover: Who?

 

ColaLover: **_RINGO, YOU ASSHOLE._ **

 

DietCokeLover: Uh.. Have you tried retracing where he was when you last saw him or something???????

 

ColaLover: **_RETRACE THIS!_ **

 

DietCokeLover: **_DID YOU SEND JUST A MINI MISSILE GNOME TO MY FRONT LAWN_ **

 

ColaLover: **I'M SERIOUS** , _DO YOU HAVE RINGO OR NOT?_

 

DieCokeLover: OK I'LL CHECK BRB JFC

 

====================

 

__________13:53__________

 

ColaLover: OK, I TOLD HIM AND HE'S CHECKING

 

ColaLover: **_AAAAAGGGGGH_** **I WANNA FIND HIM** ** _SAFE_**

 

ManInTheMirror: DON'T WORRY EDD, WE'LL FIND HIM

 

IWANNAKMS: Yep, I agree with Matt. We will find him.

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: We’ll find your baby boy!

 

ColaLover: Thanks guys.

 

====================

 

__________14:17__________

 

DietCokeLover: Nope, not a single cat hair

 

DietCokeLover: Haha, good luck finding him!

 

DietCokeLover: _I’m not saying that you_ **will** _find him, y’know?_

 

====================

 

__________15:30__________

 

ColaLover: Still no luck of finding him…

 

ManInTheMirror: (;´□｀)

 

IWANNAKMS: Damn…

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: . . .

 

ManInTheMirror: We still need to try!

 

ManInTheMirror: “If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again.”

 

IWANNAKMS: Wow man, I didn't know you could quote things

 

ManInTheMirror: *shrug*

 

ColaLover: Thanks Matt

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: Hey Tom, I wanna show you something

 

IWANNADIE: I guess I'll accept the request, since I'm bored.

 

__________16:20__________

 

ManInTheMirror: **_HOLY SHIT I FOUND THE BABY BOY_ **

 

ColaLover: **_YOU DID?!?_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: **_YES, COME DOWNSTAIRS_ **

 

ColaLover: **_OMG YES MY BABY BOY!_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: @IWANNAKMS SEE?!? I TOLD YOU THE WEED MAGIC WOULD WORK!

 

IWANNAKMS: HOLY SHIT IT DID WORK!

 

====================

(BONUS!: Extra scene and Eddmatt fluff)

 

__________17:49__________

 

ColaLover: **_HOLY SHIT I THINK I HEARD RINGO SAY “FUCK”_ **

 

IWANNAKMS: WHAT REALLY I WANNA HEAR

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: SEND A VOICE MESSAGE

 

ManInTheMirror: Wait what-

 

ColaLover: [sent a voice message]

“Uh… Ringo what did you just say?”

“fuck!”

“Oh my god no.”

“fuck! fuck! fu-”

 

[=The voice message was cut off by Edd because he was too horrified of Ringo saying fuck=]

 

====================

 

(22:30)

 

Edd cuddled around Matt's body, watching Ringo sleep on Matt's carpet. The two were cuddling on Matt's king-sized bed, in Matt's room, of course. No light was being emitted except the moonlight shining through the windows.

 

“Thank you so much for finding Ringo.” Edd mumbled, inching closer to Matt. The brunette rested his head against Matt's chest.

 

“No problem.” the ginger smiled, his dark blue orbs staring at Edd affectionately.

 

“Oh yeah the by the way,” The brunette looked up at Matt. “Where did you find Ringo?”

 

“Oh, he just strolled out of Tord’s room. Tord’s room kind of smelled like weed, for some reason.”

 

“Explains why he kinda smelled like weed.” Edd chuckled.

 

Edd yawned, which caused to make the ginger yawn too.

 

“I'm sleepy…” Edd said, clearly tired.

 

“Well, goodnight, princess.”

 

“Who are you callin’ princess?”

 

“You're my princess, deary.”

 

“And you're my prince charming in shining armour.”

 

“Heh, goodnight Princess Edward.” Matt pecked Edd’s forehead.

 

“Nighty night, Prince Matthew.”

 

“I love you.”

  
“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Ringo says fuck I just imagine a squeaky voice saying fuck.
> 
> hHHHH IM TIRED AF GN


	4. Cursed Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ColaLover: I wanna hit you in the face as hard as I can, but I don't wanna do that.
> 
> \----
> 
> SmirnoffFukc: HE EAT OWN FOOT
> 
> ManInTheMirror: FUCK YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in forever, I barely have any ideas. Gimme suggestions please?
> 
> Btw happy birthday to Matt!

__________8/8 11:57__________

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_HAPPY VORE DAY GUYS_ **

 

ColaLover: **_OH GOD NO_ **

 

IWANNAKMS: **_OH GOD YES_ **

 

[IWANNAKMS changed their username to SmirnoffFukc]

 

ManInTheMirror: WH-

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_HAPPY VORE DAY_ **

 

ColaLover: **_NO. STOP IT._ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_H A P P Y  V O R E  D A Y_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: NO

 

SmirnoffFukc: YES

 

ManInTheMirror: WHY DO YOU LIKE _VORE DAY_ I THOUGHT YOU HATED IT

 

SmirnoffFukc: I CAN SHITPOST LIKE A GODDAMN MADMAN ON TUMBLR TODAY

 

ManInTheMirror: I SWEAR TO GOD, TOM, IF YOU'RE GONNA DO WHAT I THINK YOU'RE GONNA DO I'M GONNA **_FLIP EVERY DAMN TABLE IN THIS HOUSE._ **

 

ColaLover: I GOT RANDOM ASS DREAM LAST NIGHT

 

ColaLover: I DREAMT ABOUT SHITTING IN THE BATHTUB THINKING, “WHAT AM I GONNA DO IN LIFE?”

 

SmirnoffFukc:  @ManInTheMirror  **_HE EAT OWN FOOT_ **

 

ColaLover: **_TOM WHY, I CAN HEAR HIM PUNCHING THE WALL_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot:  @SmirnoffFukc  **HEY TOM,** **_LOOK!_ **

[GiantHentaiRoBot sent a video]

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_OH GOD I HATE VORE DAY NOW_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_WHY DID YOU EAT MY DAD_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_BECAUSE ITS ONE OF THE ONLY WAYS I CAN SCARE YOU_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_THIS IS WHY VORE DAY IS BEST DAY_ **

 

ColaLover: **STOP IT** **_PLEASE_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_N O_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: **** _EDD WHY WERE YOU DREAMING ABOUT SHITTING IN THE BATHTUB CONTEMPLATING ABOUT LIFE_

 

ColaLover: **MY DREAMS ARE WEIRD,** **_OK_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_hHHHHHHHHHBHBHHHHH_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: _I SWEAR IM GONNA THROW UP_

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_BAHAHAHAHAHAA_ **

 

ColaLover: **_I wanna hit you in the face as hard as I can, but I don't wanna do that._ **

 

ColaLover: Anyways,

 

ColaLover: GUYS, BRUNCH IS READY, GET DOWN HERE.

 

ManInTheMirror: What's for breakfast?

 

ColaLover: BACON PANCAKES

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_YES, I CAN VORE BACON PANCAKES NOW_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_NO_ **

 

ColaLover: **_STOP IT_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_h e  e a t  o w n  f o o t ? ?_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: **_FITE ME MOTHERFUCKER-_ **

 

ColaLover: **_IF ANYONE MAKES ANYMORE VORE JOKES, THEY WILL NOT HAVE BACON PANCAKES FOR BRUNCH_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: OK ILL SHUT UP

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **_W E  A L L  A R E  V O R I N G  T H E  A I R  R I G H T  N O W_ **

 

ColaLover: YOU GET CEREAL FOR BRUNCH

 

ColaLover: NOW GET DOWN HERE.

 

__________17:37__________

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_VORE ME DADDY_**

 

ManInTheMirror: **_I WANT TO STAB YOU_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_HE EAT OWN FOOT_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: **_FUCK YOU_ **

 

ColaLover: GUYS NO-

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: **V O R E _M E_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: **_I WILL MURDER YOU_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_H E  E A T  O W N  F O O T_ **

 

ColaLover: Oh god I can hear him do an unholy screech why did you two do this

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_MY EARS-_ **

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: Cuz it's fun

 

ManInTheMirror: **_C U R S E D  P H R A S E_ **

 

ColaLover: **_VERY CURSED_ **

 

SmirniffFukc: WHY DID I AGREE TO YOUR PLAN, AGAIN?

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: SO I WON'T EAT ANYMORE PINEAPPLES, DUMBASS

 

SmirnoffFukc: WHY AM _I_ THE DUMBASS IF _YOURE_ THE ONE WHO EXECUTED AND PLANNED THE PLAN, DUMBASS?!

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: WELL YOURE THE ONE WHO AGREED TO MY FUCKING PLAN IN THE FIRST PLACE, **DUMBASS.**

 

SmirnoffFukc: WELL YOURE A DUMBASS IN GENERAL, **_DICKBAG_ **

 

ColaLover: **_YOU BOTH ARE DUMBASSES._ **

 

ManInTheMirror: WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES LIKE THIS CURSED DAY AND THE CURSED PHRASE

 

ColaLover: PLUS, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST STOP TROLLING US WITH **_CURSES_ **?!?

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: CUZ **_WE WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: CUZ **_WE WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED_ **

 

ColaLover: Oh god...

 

ColaLover: WE'RE ENDING THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW

 

ColaLover: AT LEAST TROLL TUMBLR, AND NOT _US._

 

__________22:45__________

 

ColaLover: **_WHICH ONE OF YOU DIPSHITS PUT A “HE EAT OWN FOOT” BANNER IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE?!?_ **

 

ColaLover:  @SmirnoffFukc @GiantHentaiRoBot 

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: wowie mama edd is  a n g e r

 

SmirnoffFukc: dont worry were gonna take it down when it hits 00:00

 

ColaLover: *we're

 

ManInTheMirror: IM GONNA BE SO HAPPY WHEN **_CURSED_ ** DAY IS OVER

 

===================

__________8/9 0:34__________

 

[SmirnoffFukc sent a direct message to GiantHentaiRoBot]

 

SmirnoffFukc: You know what?

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: what.

 

SmirnoffFukc: You're actually not that bad at all

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: are you drunk?

 

SmirnoffFukc: Nope, fully sober

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: Then, I could say the same to you

 

SmirnoffFukc: gn

 

GiantHentaiRoBot: night~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate "he eat own foot" so much that I put it here.


	5. Shitposted chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Torb: 1-800-are-you-smashibg
> 
> (Bullshitty = Tom and Torb = Tord)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I CHALLENGED MYSELF TK WRITE A CHAPTER AT 3:30AN THIS IS THE TIME WHERE NY SPELLUNG GOES AAAAAAL THE WAG TO 0. SORRY IF SOME OF THE STUFF M I G H T BE OFFENSIVE YI YALL??????? I LOTERALLY HAVE NO IDEA.
> 
> OH YEAH THIS CHAPYER HAS EXACTLY 420 WORDS YAY

>  

Bullshitty: what the xu

Billshitty: the suhcjeing

Bullsgitty: i fucking hate lif w

ColaLover: what

Billshitty: lmaooooo yuxh i cany procss anytbing

Billshitty: rn

Torb: its fuckung thnee am get yallre shits togegther

Maninthefuckingmiirror: _fuckung sleeo guys i cant keep myn hpone keeo ringing like this_

Nullshitty: whtass are yall,,,,,,,,,,, drunkk right now???bdjebd

ColaLover; Can we just sleep please stop

Bullshitty: stoo whafs???? Wut am i stoppinf

Trob: your lofe

Torb: stop your pofe

Torb: pifr

Tobr; lofe

Tobr: life

Colalover: yes yes we get it can we just  go back to sleeo

Maninthemirror: but youre typing

Maninthemirror: _yaller piece of shittos_

Torb: bullshit

Bullyshit: and thats why my name is bullshottybahahahaha

Colalover: what the fuck

Torb: “wassup google now tell me hoe to fucking spell”

Bullshittery: by eating ass

Torb:  :000

Maninthemirror: what the tomfuckery

Bullysgitty: **hey**

Colalover: im tored catn we just sleeo

Bullshitury; vbut ur the ones thats responing

Colalover: i came for eat my past  self

Torb: see i told you he has a vore kink

Maninthemirror: great now i have to get vored _comeon_

Bullshottery: heyheyhey at least i dont have to fucking wear an animw school girl uniform

Torb: die

Bullshittery: gladly

Colalover: nooriwillfuckinf **strangle** yourprecioussusan

Bullshitty: D:

Mainthemirrour: :000

Bulshitywjr: my head hurts lmao cam someone throw and ice pick at my jead and leave it there

Tobr: sure

Manin themirrir: but then youll never see human susan

Colainthemirror: or yiff her

Bullshottery: get your bullshit together, edd, she is an person and not a animal

Colalover: lmao fuvk you

Maninthemirror: Fuck you too~ <3

ColaLover: well damn take me tonight

Maninthemirror: gladly~

Torb: o well shit yallre gay

Bullshittery: says the one who tried to fuck a mmale anime body pillow

Torb: don do the judgy he was a nice neko

Bullshittery: **_E W_ **

Maninthemirror: hey giys i cant cope with life now ahahabavahahahzbjdnsn

Colaoiver: dont  worry i gotchu fam

Colalober: i fucking

Colalover:  gotvhu.

Bullshittery: i can fucking smash my head into the wall

Torb: 1-800-are-you-smashibg

Colalover: sticcs

Maninthemirror: yuo cannot find the right sticcks to smesh

Colalover: D:

Torb: what the fu

Tirb: ck

Maninthemirror: lemme smash

Bullshottery: no

Tirb: :(

Colalover: i n a h l e

Maninthemirror: mydongenrangementchild

Torb: hey have yall heard of

Torb: _COMMUNISM?_

Bullshittery: _CAPITALISM_

Torb: **_C O M M U N I S M_ **

Maninthemirror: wowowow im crying

Colalover: mood

Bullshottrrhy: mood

Torb: doom

Mainthemirror: D:

Colalover: D:

Bullshittery: D:<

Colalover: In all seriousness, good night.

Bullshiterry: ok fine, night.

Torb: god natt

**Maninthemirror: nighty night~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM GONNA FINALLY SLEEP NOW GOOD NIGHT


	6. Nyod n' Nyeesus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GiantHentaiRobot: pPBSHFT I'm not a sinner i am definitely not a sinner
> 
>  
> 
> ManInTheMirror: **EXTREMELY LOUD COUGHING**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The format of the chatfic will be different starting here. As in that it will look simpler (no time, no date) because of my lazy ass.
> 
> I didnt mention this in the last chapter, but thank you so much for all the nice feedback!

ColaLover: I AM NYOD AND YOI EILL BOW DOWN TO ME

 

ManInTheMirror: **EDD** ,,, BABE WHAT ARE TOU DOING

 

GiantHentaiRobot: OOF

 

SmirnoffFukc: I AM NYEESUS AND I WILL KICK YOUR ASSES

 

ManInTheMirror: TOM???? **WHAT DID I EVER DO????**

 

GiantHentaiRobot: YEA WHAT DID I EVER DO FUCKERS

 

ManInTheMirror: im not talking about you _you sick bastart_

 

GiantHentaiRobot: **_BASTART XD_ **

 

ColaLover: Tord,,,,,,,,, no

 

ColaLover: _NYOD WILL NOT ACCEPT THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR TOWARDS_ **_MY SON_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: UWU

 

ManInTheMirror: wait,,, what does nyod and nyeesus even mean?????????

 

ColaLover: Nya + God = Nyod

 

ColaLover: Nya + Jesus = Nyeesus

 

ColaLover: :3c

 

ManInTheMirror: babe,,,,, **why tho**

 

ColaLover: *shrug*

 

SmirnoffFukc: **heforcedmetodoit**

 

ManInTheMirror: _But…_ **_Why did you not make me Nyeesus_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: (╥_╥)

 

SmirnoffFukc: ooft

 

ColaLover: THOMAS SANDERS UR NOW AN ANGEL MATTHIAS SOMETHINGSOMETHING UR NYEESUS NOW ILY

 

SmirnoffFukc: :0c

 

SmirnoffFukc: waitwhythosenamestho-

 

ManInTheMirror: ily

 

ColaLover: no ily

 

ManInTheMirror: noooooo ILY

 

ColaLover: NONONONONON **ILY**

 

ManInTheMirror: WTF **ILYSM**

 

ColaLover: **ILYSM EVEN MORE**

 

ManInTheMirror: _Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my Dear Gold, it might be in my power, by action rather than words, to convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that 'till you bade us Adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you. Indeed, my friend, it was not well done. You know the opinion I entertain of mankind, and how much it is my desire to preserve myself free from particular attachments, and to keep my happiness independent on the caprice of others. You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent. But as you have done it and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on condition that for my sake, if not for your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have so artfully instilled into me._

 

ColaLover: Did you just do what I think you did?

 

ManInTheMirror: _yes._

 

ColaLover: _ily_

 

ManInTheMirror: _ily2 uwu_

 

SmirnoffFukc: Ok stop it guys I can smell the gay throughout the house and from my phone

 

SmirnoffFukc: And i think you killed tord

 

GiantHentaiRobot: tHINK AGAIN MOTHERCUCKER

 

SmirnoffFukc: _and when i thought luck was on my side_

 

GiantHentaiRobot: _i lived_ **_bitch_ **

 

ColaLover: **_no swearing in my christian server_ **

 

ColaLover: okay so to list it off,

 

ColaLover: Im Nyod, Matt is Nyeesus, Tom is a Nyangel,

 

ColaLover: and Tord is the Nyevil

 

GiantHentaiRobot: wait what????! Why???

 

ColaLover: _Sinner._

 

GiantHentaiRobot: pPBSHFT I'm not a sinner  i am definitely not a sinner

 

ManInTheMirror: **_**EXTREMELY LOUD COUGHING**_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: _you dont deserve to be in nyeaven_

 

SmirnoffFukc: _you deserve to be in nyell_

 

GiantHentaiRobot: D:

 

GiantHentaiRobot: N-nyah~?

 

ColaLover: _Fucker._

 

GiantHentaiRobot: N-nya~, nyah~~!!

 

GiantHentaiRobot: **[MESSAGE DELETED]**

 

ColaLover: **N O**

 

ColaLover: **THIS IS SERVER IS A PURIFIED SERVER SPONSORED BY STAINLESS STEEL AND I WILL NOT LET YOU TAINT MY BABIES**

 

SmirnoffFukc: brb gonna go dump my head into a pool of alcohol with my eyes open

 

ManInTheMirror: TORD I CAN SEE YOU SMIRKING BEHUND THAT SCREEN

 

ManInTheMirror: **YOu LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER**

 

ManInTheMirror: I HAVE THE ALL SEEING EYE OF

 

ColaLover: Hey guys im gonna go kill tord in this server

 

ManInTheMirror: YES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooft sorry it took like, 3 months to actually update!! I literally ran out of ideas so uh sorry. I will update from time to time, though.
> 
> The Nyod and Nyeesus thing is an inside joke from my discord server, if youre confused where it came from.


	7. wewcwome to the chuwch of nyastianity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wed Weedew uwu✿ = Tord  
> ItsLitFam/Damn Daniel = Pau  
> Pattycake/Internally the Tewetubbiews = Pat
> 
>  
> 
> ManInTheMirror: piss fish is god
> 
>  
> 
> ManInTheMirror: you fools
> 
>  
> 
> GiantHentaiRobot: Piss fish is the officaw god of the chuwch of nyastianity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an actual conversation I had with my friends

GiantHentaiRobot: My religion is now _Nyastianity_

 

SmirnoffFukc: The hell

 

ManInTheMirror: Pff what

 

ColaLover: i fuckugn

 

ColaLover: _wheezing_

 

====================

 

[Wed Weedew uwu✿ sent a picture]

 

Wed Weedew uwu✿: The words were written on my neko santa snap are too powerful for yall to comprehend

 

ItsLitFam: _“_ **_neko santa_ ** ”

 

Wed Weedew: _Did I fucking stutter_

 

Pattycake: tord,,,,,,,,, what

 

ItsLitFam: _catch me wheezing in the corner_

 

Pattycake: im honestly concerned on how and why the hell you had that

 

Wed Weedew uwu✿: christmas is coming and i couldnt help to get my ultra exclusive santa neko costume

 

Pattycake: **_this is why we babysit your ass, Tord._ **

 

Pattycake: _plus christmas isnt even here_

 

Pattycake: **ITS THE START OF NOVEMBER**

 

Wed Weedew uwu✿: Jeez take a chill pill

 

Wed Weedew uwu✿: not one that from japan and is a grey oblong pill that is a quantum nanotechnology

 

ItsLitFam: STOP MAKING THAT JOKE **I NEVER KNOW WHAT THAT IS REFERENCING**

 

Pattycake: * **pat pat** * youre missing out

 

Wed Weedew uwu✿: Hey guys, what is a yellow fish called?

 

ItsLitFam: a…… _piss fish?_

 

====================

 

GiantHentaiRobot: _piss fish_

 

ColaLover: _piss fish…_

 

SmirnoffFukc: hey what the fuck

 

ManInTheMirror: _im scared what does this mean_

 

GiantHentaiRobot: Also, look at this!!

 

[GiantHentaiRobot sent a screenshot]

 

ManInTheMirror: **TORD E X P L A I N**

 

SmirnoffFukc: _Ah._

 

SmirnoffFukc: **Motherfucker.**

 

ColaLover: is that a fuckin uhhh _neko santa costome?_

 

GiantHentaiRobot: yes UwU

 

GiantHentaiRobot: Sanyata cwaus UwU

 

ColaLover: **_SANTA OR ZANTA ONLY PWEASE ;OwO_ **

 

====================

 

Wed Weedew uwu✿: I'm aftaid the words Sanyata Cwaws spoke are too lethal to tell to mere mortals

 

Pattycake: hhhhhhh

 

ItsLitFam: ok im actually concerned now **Tord are you okay**

 

Wed Weedew uwu✿: says the one who said “piss fish”.

 

ItsLitFam: **UP SHUT**

 

====================

 

ColaLover: OK SO

 

ColaLover: Piss fish are an actual thinf

 

ColaLover: Theyre one of or is the tinest fisb and it will swim into your piss stream and eat you inside

 

ColaLover: It happened to a dude

 

ManInTheMirror: WHAT

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_wHaT tHe fUk_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: bad post op

 

ColaLover: _fuckung_

 

ColaLover: **_science_ **

 

GiantHentaiRobot: Scienyance

 

SmirnoffFukc: i accept science but i do not accept piss fish

 

GiantHentaiRobot: piss fish is still piss fish in OWO

 

SmirnoffFukc: OWO is officially cancelled then

 

GiantHentaiRobot: you cant cancel a god _you fool_

 

SmirnoffFukc: *cocks gun* yes i can

 

GiantHentaiRobot: Sanyata Cwaws is gonma put you on the nyaughty list then

 

GiantHentaiRobot: _He's makinyag a list, he's checking it twice UwU, he's gonya find out who’s nyaughty or nyice OwO_

 

ColaLover: Oh yeah btw the piss fish can _actually fucking kill you_

 

ManInTheMirror: _mygod_

 

ManInTheMirror: *nyod

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_PISS FISH CANCELLED_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_SCIENCE CANCELLED_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_OWO CANCELLED_ **

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_WE MUST ERADICATE ANY AND ALL SIGNS OF THE PISS FISH_ **

 

GiantHentaiRobot: nyo canyalling you cawawd ÒwÓ

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_cancelling is not cowardice you foolish mortal, it is justice_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: _you can't cancel god_

 

GiantHentaiRobot: See? Matt gets it.

 

ColaLover: **_the only god there is is our lord and saviour Ringo whom i am not cancelling_ **

 

ColaLover: _Matt I thought I trusted you_

 

ManInTheMirror: *shrug*

 

[GiantHentaiRobot sent a photo]

 

ColaLover: **_ED EDD AND EDDY /CANCELLED/_ **

 

ColaLover: _waitshit_

 

GiantHentaiRobot: Nyo canyacewwation on this nyastian sewvew

 

SmirnoffFukc: what are you even saying anymore

 

SmirnoffFukc: since when

 

\---

 

GiantHentaiRobot: The swiwnyoff fwuwck is nyow on sanyata cwaws’ nyaughty wist

 

ManInTheMirror: eyes emoji

 

ColaLover: What

 

ColaLover: S

 

ColaLover: Happening

 

ManInTheMirror: _nyagic uwu_

 

ColaLover: _Oh. Okay._

 

GiantHentaiRobot: This is nwow the chuwch of nyastianity

 

ColaLover: As the nyod of this server I accept this

 

SmirnoffFukc: IM KILLING ALL OF YOU MYSELF THEN

 

ColaLover: NYO

 

SmirnoffFukc: [cocks gun] 

 

ColaLover: NO NYIWWING NYWEASE

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_i was on ur side,,,,,,,,,,,,, but then you accepted the piss fish and i simply cannot stand for this_ **

 

GiantHentaiRobot: Twowm is gonya get a wump of coaw from sanyata cwas this nyear UwU

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_HOW THE FUCK DO YOU ACCEPT THE PISS FISH IM SO CONFUSED_ **

 

ManInTheMirror: piss fish is god

 

ManInTheMirror: you fools

 

GiantHentaiRobot: Piss fish is the officaw god of the chuwch of nyastianity

 

====================

 

[Wed Weedew uwu✿ posted a photo]

 

Wed Weedew uwu✿: who want s to join this hell >:3c

 

ItsLitFam: fuck that shit im out

 

Pattycake: o shit

 

Pattycake: … maybe

 

====================

 

[Internally the Tewetubbiews joined the server]

 

Internally the Tewetubbiews: Wgat the fuck

 

GiantHentaiRobot: 0w0

 

GiantHentaiRobot: Nyewwo

 

ColaLover: o shit who are yoi

 

SmirnoffFukc: _i tried to fight back but it got worse_

 

Internally the Tewetubbiews: WHAT THE FUCK

 

ManInTheMirror: Oh hewwo thewe, wouwd you wike to tawk about our word and saviow piss fish?

 

Internally the Tewetubbiews: Fuck this shit im going back to MC im not dealing with this shit

 

Internally the Tewetubbiews: **NO**

 

Internally the Tewetubbiews: **BYE**

 

ManInTheMirror: bye uwu

 

Internally the Tewetubbiews: I hope piss fish die

 

[Internally the Tewetubbiews has left the server]

 

SmirnoffFukc: piss fish is cancelled everyone go home

 

SmirnoffFukc: PISS FISH IS A CANCELLED GOD

 

ManInTheMirror: stfu we both know that the piss fish could kill us in less than a second

 

[Damn Daniel joined the server]

 

Damn Daniel: hwahwah _what_

 

ColaLover: Welcome to Hell.

 

[Damn Daniel has left the server]

 

ManInTheMirror: I think you mean Nyeaven, Edd.

 

ColaLover: Oh right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally did not copy and paste 80% of the conversation


	8. in which there are two bitch babies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [[WARNING: INCLUDES INCREDIBLE AMOUNTS OF EDDMATT AND TOMTORD]]
> 
>  
> 
> SmirnoffFukc: wait
> 
>  
> 
> SmirnoffFukc: TORD DID YOU GIVE THEM WEED AGAIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ive been watching a lot of 50% OFF lately

[ColaLover changed their name to bitcgbaby]

 

[ManInTheMirror changed their name to H2hoe]

 

SmirnoffFukc: _wh  y_

 

SmirnoffFukc: wait

 

SmirnoffFukc: TORD DID YOU GIVE THEM WEED AGAIN

 

SminoffFukc: @GiantHentaiRobot YOU DICKHOLE GET OVER HERE

 

GiantHentaiRobot: SHUT UP IM TRYING TO DRINK MY RE D MOUNDAIN TEW

 

SmirnoffFukc: WHAGT THE FUCK IS MOUNDAIN TEW

 

GiantHentaiRobot: *MOUNTAIN *DEW

 

GiantHentaiRobot: AND NO I DIDNT GIVE THEM WEED YOU AS S

 

H2hoe: _he's lying he did gave us weed_

 

GiantHentaiRobot: I GAVE EDD **CATNIP** FOR **RINGO**

 

GiantHentaiRobot: AND SHUT IT MATTY BOY

 

H2hoe: :00000000000000c

 

H2hoe: you cant spell “sass” without “ass”, and youre being one

 

bitcgbaby: RINGO BABY SPITTED THE WEED OUT IN TRUE HORROR AND DISGUST

 

SmirnoffFukc: TORD HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO RINGO

 

bitcgbaby: AND THEN MATT WAS LIKE, “ITS PROBABLY WEED OR SOME SGIT”

 

bitcgbaby: AND THEN ONE OF TORDS CIGARS WERE CONVENIENTLY PLACED NEXT TO US

 

H2hoe: AND THEN SHIT HAPPENED

 

SmirnoffFukc: WHY DID YOU SMOKE THE W E E D

 

H2hoe: _oi this is once in a lifeline_

 

SmirnoffFukc: TORD HOW MUCH WEED DID YOU GIVE THEM

 

SmirnoffFukc: @GiantHentaiRobot _ **T O E D**_

 

SmirnoffFukc: _**TORB YOU BITCH BABY GET BACK HERE**_

 

bitcgbaby: D:

 

bitcgbaby: i thought i was the bitcb baby

 

SmirnoffFukc: Edd no youre not a bitch baby

 

bitcgbaby: 1. Youre right

 

bitcgbaby: 2. I am _the_ bitch baby

 

SmirnoffFukc: Edd-

 

H2hoe: just let him be the bitch baby

 

SmirnoffFukc: alright fine

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_HEY TIDDYFUCK, YOU BITCHLOID GET OVER HERE_**

 

bitcgbaby: well thats a new nickname

 

H2hoe: i mean the name tord does sound like the name tiddyfick

 

bitcgbaby: lmao

 

bitcgbaby: but anyways why are ypu, tom, suddenly parent of the gang

 

SmirnoffFukc: so i can finally kill tord for something reasonable (its been like the 3rd time hes gotten both of you high) before you two gay lords do the do in here

 

bitcgbaby: _you cant catch me gay thoughts_

 

H2hoe: _yes i can_

 

SmirnoffFukc: **_suddenly, high school_**

 

H2hoe: THATS SO LMAO

 

bitcgbaby: UR NOT FRENCH, MATT BABY

 

H2hoe: i may not be french, but ill speak french between your legs, mon amour~

 

H2hoe: *crouches and clears throat*

 

H2hoe: Bonjour~~❤

 

bitcgbaby: smooth, vewy smooth

 

SmirnoffFukc: Ew, i can smell your gay through my phone over here

 

H2hoe: _**Are you denying your sexuality, sweetie?**_

 

bitcgbaby: *eyes emoji*

 

SmirnoffFukc: WhaT-

 

SmirnoffFukc: ugh, why am i even talking to you guys if both of you are high as fuck

 

H2hoe: _e d g y owo_

 

bitcgbaby: _uwu_

 

bitcgbaby: now that i think abt it, matt and i should be statues

 

H2hoe: owo why?

 

bitcgbaby: because we’re stoned :DDD

 

H2hoe: :DDD

 

SmirnoffFukc: I swear to god, Edd, i will fucking barge into your room and murder you

 

bitcgbaby: :DDD

 

H2hoe: dont :DDD murder :DDD my :DDD boyfriend :DDD

 

H2hoe: or :DDD i :DDD will :DDD murder :DDD you :DDD

 

SmirnoffFukc: anyways

 

SmirnoffFukc: haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door

 

H2hoe: i can smell the patd from kilometers away

 

SmirnoffFukc: **your smoke is spreading throughout the house, you shouldve closed the door**

 

bitcgbaby: Anyways, wheres Tord?

 

SmirnoffFukc: **OI DONT IGNORE MY STATEMENT**

 

H2hoe: idk, maybe in toms room 

 

H2hoe: isnt that right, tom?

 

SmirnoffFukc: Wh-

 

SmirnoffFukc: WhAt ArE yOu ImPlYiNg?

 

H2hoe: :)

 

H2hoe: i mean, its highly obvious, my dearies

 

GiantHentaiRobot: NYEESUS CHWIST, MATT YOU SLY FUCKER

 

GiantHentaiRobot: T **H I S I S A C A L L O U T P O S T F O R M R D R U N K A R D O V E R H E R E T G AT T O M M Y B O Y A N D I A R E**

 

\---

(like 2 minutes later)

bitcgbaby: in which tom slaps tords phone out of his hand and everything spirals (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

bitcgbaby: i think that hapoened anyways

 

H2hoe: accurate 

 

bitcgbaby: they were probably like, “fuck you”

 

bitcgbaby: and then tord would be like, “actually, please do”

 

bitcgbaby: and then yknow

 

bitcgbaby: yeah :/

 

H2hoe: **_A C C U R A T E_**

 

 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry if this chapter sucks, its three am-
> 
> I didnt read over it too hdbrbfvnyeuvf
> 
> Edit:turns out i didnt post it last night as i planned to lmao


	9. yeet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :3c: You are the combination of yeeting yourself off a bridge and “im gonna kermit.”
> 
> (warning???? There's A LOT of shipping content in here!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, P L E A S E look at the notes at the end, okay? I need to explain stuff.

ManInTheMirror: oh my god i found this cute cosplay!!

 

[ManInTheMirror sent a photo]

 

ColaLover: Awh, cute!

 

ColaLover: Do you know who she's cosplaying?

 

ManInTheMirror: nop!

 

GiantHentaiRobot:  _ That's not how you cosplay my girl _

 

GiantHentaiRobot: i hate cosplays, they ruin the animated flow of the character

 

SmirnoffFukc: says the one who forced us to wear Winx costumes and said that we will look  _ “cuter” _ in them.

 

GiantHentaiRobot: that was only a month ago!

 

ColaLover: Which isn't very long.

 

GiantHentaiRobot: girls try  _ so _ hard to cosplay.

 

ManInTheMirror: HDHDHFND

 

ManInTheMirror: T O RD

 

ManInTheMirror:  _ ALL WOMEN,,, ARE QUEENS!! _

 

GiantHentaiRobot:  **IF SHE BREATHES,**

 

GiantHentaRobot:  **SHE'S A** **_T H O T_ **

 

ColaLover: How long have you  **_thot_ ** about that?

 

SmirnoffFukc: Edd, i will smite you.

 

ColaLover: :3c

 

[GiantHentaiRobot changed their name to :3c]

 

[ManInTheMirror changed their name to :3c]

 

[ColaLover changed their name to :3c]

 

SmirnoffFukc: i hate all of you.

 

:3c: are you sure about that, honey?

 

SmirnoffFukc: which one of you fuckers-

 

:3c: owo

 

:3c: ÒwÓ

 

:3c: You are the combination of yeeting yourself off a bridge and “im gonna kermit.”

 

SmirnoffFukc: jesus fuck- im not that edgu

 

:3c:  _ ur an edgulord _

 

SmirnoffFukc: no, im  _ trash _

 

[:3c changed their name to GiantHentaiRobot]

 

:3c:  _ e d w e w o w d _

 

GiantHentaiRobot: You're trash, hm? I'll pick you up at ‘19.

 

:3c:  _ Smooth motherfucker. _

 

:3c: it may be smooth but i have a feeling that it might end up basically as Justice Rank 10.

 

:3c:  _ I have words. _

 

:3c:  _ S t o p  i t . _

 

:3c: ;3c

 

:3c: :0

 

:3c: :0c

 

[:3c changed their name to ColaLover]

 

[:3c changed their name to ManInTheMirror]

 

ManInTheMirror: Mwah!

 

ColaLover: D’aww!!!

 

ColaLover: Smooch!!

 

ManInTheMirror: o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

 

ManInTheMirror: (ღ˘ω˘ღ)

 

SmirnoffFukc: stop or im gonna yeet myself out of this house and off a bridge.

 

GiantHentaiRobot: why are you telling them to stop being gay if you are going to in a few minutes

 

SmirnoffFukc: HSHSFEH What abt you djsbfmd

 

GiantHentaiRobot: are you questioning my sexuality 

 

GiantHentaiRobot: I am, for one, is hentai

 

GiantHentauRobot: and my gender is waifu.

 

ColaLover: Well, you two go have fun, i just have Matt to myself.

  
ManInTheMirror:  _ finally theyre together like holy shit _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhh im sorry this chapter sucked, but I jist had to rush this one in.
> 
> This is gonna be the last chapter of the chatfic, which is why I rushed things so quickly. I basically threw myself out of the Eddsworld fandom, so Im not interested in updating this. I m a y update it..????? But that has a really low chance of happening, so im just gonna call this chatfic completed.
> 
> I mean,,,, im still kind of in the fandom? But only up to the point that im not interested into this fandom's fanfics.
> 
> Please understand. I'll be chilling in the Persona 5 fandom in the meantime! :)

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first chatfic hope y'all liked it ^^


End file.
